I hate the heat. I have never been one of those people who can lay around baking poolside, or enjoys the over-warm of mid to late summer. I prefer shade, air conditioning, and icy drinks. Preferably all at the same time, and in the dark. But this is not condusive to summer touring for us… thankfully when we play places where it’s so hot the grass is brown, mercury threatens to pop out of the glass, and you forget that the region of BC your in is technically a rainforest, the venues usually have a fan. Sometimes even two. In a zen-like state of sweating and discomfort though, I have found a way to find the small, positive parts: I get to jump onstage and rip my clothes off, thus allowing some temporary relief, or while the rest of the band is stuck onstage I can go crack the back door open and enjoy the breeze while they sweat it out under the lights.
But sometimes it gets so darn hot you give up and just enjoy it knowing that next February you’ll be shivering and complaining about the cold. Some people need to learn to loosen up though. The heat does strange things to people’s sense of decorum. We had one irate gentleman in Nelson (and really, as if we manage to meet the only uptight asshole in that entire town) who gave us shit. He said to us, and I quote: “Your not a feature band, your a BAR band! You should be playing for another two hours!”. All this from some douchebag in a white cowboy hat, to boot. As offended as we were at this I would like to take the time to post Brandy Battery’s rebuttal:
BRANDY BATTERY: “Hey you cock-bag asshole! Don’t you walk away from me! That’s right you fake cowboy fuck, get in your little Fiesta and drive away!”
I might point out Brandy IS from Montana, can kick a real cowboy’s ass in a fight, and would make a pretzel out of that twit if he had hung around long enough. Coming from that part of the rough and tumble Midwest breeds a particular no-bullshit attitude in the people there. The kind that won’t cotton to guff-taking from a faux Rocky Mountain cowboy from Nelson. So despite the fact that he was disappointed we didn’t play for three hours, and do covers of Dire Straights and Loverboy, it was better for him to scuttle off to his home and plug in his yippee-ie-kyee-iPod instead.
But all our summer shows have been, aside from hot and all have been able to make my eyebrows melt off, fun. I had my doubts about Pentiction when Rock and Roll Rob and the Kelowna crew turned up (and then turned it into a party). I was curious what was going to happen in Walla Walla – which was find one of the coolest DJs spinning vinyl and the head of a rock and roll winery (Thank you, Charles Smith). The Chapel in Vancouver? Never played there but good staging, crew, we could play a later show than any main stream venues AND it had A/C. All around winners in my mind.
So what lies ahead? BC/AB tours based around our foray into Shambhala… Not going to lie, I’m a little scared to bring our show to what’s the second biggest party on this planet after Burning Man. What happens when hippie ravers come into contact with our show? Not too sure but I’m sure it’ll be some crazy visions for some of the people in the Rock Pit. To quote Karen O from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, heads will roll and people will dance til their dead. Because I have never personally been to Shambles, I have had to rely heavily on the Sweet Soul girls to give me the low-down. The best way to do that is to share with you Crystal Precious’ Guide To Surviving At Shambles…
Crystal Precious’ Winnipegger’s (or First Timer’s) Guide to Shambhala.
By Crystal Precious.
(I wrote this for my friends from Moses Mayes who are coming out from Wpg to play Shambhala as their new electro project, LeBeato… but I thought I’d share it with anyone else coming in fresh)…
Ummkay. Soooo I know I tirelessly go ON and ON about the near culture shock I suffered upon my transition from the ghetto flatlands to the organic-eating-MEC-wearing-non-smoking-bicycle-luvin’ Coast… however NOTHING could have prepared me for my initial foray into the unparalleled phenomenon of “big electronic music hippie raver party in the forest”. This is one of my favorite parts of West Coast culture… and the mother of all parties-in-the-woods is Shambhala.
I ran in head first thinking, hey… it’s not like I’m completely hopeless… I HAVE been to Folk Fest. Well, LISTEN THE FUCK UP… this is NOT Folk Fest, bitches. No matter how many dreadlocks & djembes you see lining the trees, the city is NOT an accessible half-hour away and if you aren’t prepared, you will be at the mercy of the dreaded GENERAL STORE PRICES & the even more awful FOMO (fear-of-missing-out – due to lack of preparation). Don’t let this happen to you. Let me be the sorry ass-bitch that learned the hard way for both of us. Here are the most important things to remember for the Winnpegger headin’ into the Koots…
1) THERE ARE NO FIRES. This is the biggest difference from Folk Fest and a glaringly absent part of the camping experience. Apparently the people in this province actually care if everything around them burns down where as in Manitoba people purposely burn shit down all the time. But for real, there will not be any fires anywhere…. so bring LIGHT FOR YOUR CAMP (a flashlight, heandlamp, LED’s or a LANTERN) make sure someone in your crew has a CAMP STOVE if you’re wanting to cook shiz. And remember you won’t have the heat of the fire.
2) YOU CANNOT BUY BOOZE THERE OR DRINK IT OPENLY. Officially the event is “booze free”. Um, yeah. Avoid glass, and stash it WELL in your car as you may get searched. Bring a tinted, lidded reusable bottle (like the canteen types at MEC) if you want to carry around your beverage as YOU CANNOT drink out of your beer cans / bottles openly anywhere. Security is obligated to dump your booze if they see it, but generally they’ll leave you alone if you’re simply enjoying a bottled beverage in a reusable container. The security works hard enough as it is so take the extra step and don’t make them booze police you, it sucks for them and plus, booze is precious cuz going for a beer run is kind of not really an option… it’s super hard / sometimes impossible to get out of the site once you’ve driven in and are parked.
3) It gets FUCKING COLD at night. This is something we Wpggers know about and we laugh maniacally at the idea that it gets uncomfortably cold anywhere in BC in the summer, but trust me, it does. I brought about 10 000 bikinis the first year and one sweater… DO NOT MAKE THIS MISTAKE. Bring long pants, sweaters, little mitties and lots of shiz to sleep in. You will be cold. Honest. And I’m not some BC wimp either. .. no offense.
4) It gets FUCKING HOT during the day. Like, itty bitty teeny weeny bikini bottoms only (heheheheheheheh). BUT – THERE IS NO SHADE in the camping area and the precious tree’d shadey areas are harder to get than a booth on Saturday at the Toad… so bring a shade structure or you will die / get no sleep. There is a river of refreshing goodness in which to bathe & swim, & the best is bringing a camping chair and sitting in the rivah drinking out of your bottled beverage with lots of sunscreen on. And a parasole. And a cabana boy.
5) THE MUSIC DOESN’T STOP. EVER. FOR FOUR DAYS. So bring earplugs and then bring more earplugs and remember when you’re setting up camp to check if that structure nearby is the trance stage. (This seriously happened to me the first year… can’t really talk about it still).
6) THERE IS NO CELL PHONE COVERAGE, SO PREPARE TO LOSE YOUR FRIENDS. Which is fine, just plan ahead “in case of separation” or accept it and enjoy exploring on your own. I recommend dress-ups. It’s like SOO way easier to meet people & find your friends, also I’m MUCH more likely to make-out with you.
7) TRY TO AVOID THE TEMPTING FALL-BACK THAT YOU’LL BUY THINGS WHEN YOU GET THERE. Smokes were $20 last year. I’m serious. There are rad things to eat there at the vendors, but these peeps pay top dollar to get into the vending area so they’re prolly gonna charge top dollar.
PACK DISPENSIBLE FOOTWEAR OPTIONS. If it rains, the forest paths become huge mud puddles and I lost a pair of shoes in one the first year I went. Prepare. The weather forecast says it won’t rain but you know. It might. The site is quite large… you’ll do a LOT of walking and dancing on the roots / dirt is hard on your feet. Ok so I brought heels the first year. Shut up. I’m Crystal fucking Precious, dammit. I wear heels to the fucking beach.
9) Enjoy the following amenities: distinct LACK of MOSQUITOES (!!!!!), lots of running water everywhere (bring bottles!), organic / vegan food vendors, coffee vendors in the morning, the lovely rivah, medical tent, etc. etc. the lack of mosquitoes is pretty rad. There’s still a couple. but it’s NOTHING compared to the shit we’ve dealt with.
10) Come visit the Sweet Soul ladies! I’m mostly gonna try to check out as much music as possible so will be in the stages… but our camp should be fairly obvious, I’ll try to post something about what it will look like… or leave a note on the message board near the general store. Or just look around for tutus & headdresses. It’s time for the grrlz to PLAY and enjoy this beautiful fucking province. Ummmkay???
So there you go. Fair warning. Enjoy us, the other music types and the Sweet Soul girls (who you will also see at the Rock Pit stage). And bring me a few extra glowsticks. We’ll go fishing for ravers in the forest.
xoxox
LMR
